“The demons are innumerable, appear at the most inconvenient times, and create panic and terror. But I have learnt that if I can master the negative forces and harness them to my chariot, then they can work to my advantage.” — Ingmar Bergman
This collection of 34 self-portraits was created between 2020 and 2022 amidst the coronavirus pandemic. The images were created within the constraints of the house I grew up in, which is where I found myself during this time. Each portrait was taken using a self-timer and a long exposure. I do not add imagery or construct anything that wasn’t captured in-camera. I enhance that which is already there.
During the pandemic, I was struggling with my mental and physical health. The world felt clinical and I was panic stricken with the fear that I’d never feel well again. Golden Age thinking became an escape. I imagined the black cloud of the Spanish Flu bursting, releasing the sparkling rain of the twenties. I could visualise the warm glow of golden lights illuminating the flappers as they danced to old-fashioned jazz. This was my wonderland. I constructed a similar atmosphere for myself to escape into, listening to music from those times and dressing in sequinned tops that I found in my attic, belonging to my grandmother.
Although I took these photos in moments of solitude, I felt in company with my camera. I used continuous lighting and experimented with various exposure lengths and apertures, setting the timer and walking into frame. I allowed memories to flicker through my mind and my body to move and express the feelings and emotions which arose. The shutter opened like a portal, pulling scattered parts of myself out of the darkest corners of my mind. I wanted to create a home for these parts, where they may all exist together in harmony.
With this series, I’d like to encourage people to consider the multiplicities within themselves,
What hidden parts inhabit the corners of your mind?